If it were truly the thought that counted, more women would be pregnant.
You can't be happy with a partner who pronounces both Ds in Wednesday.
Rome isn’t the world’s most beloved capital. Money is.
How can you tell if it’s raining cats and dogs?
When you step in a poodle.
What do you call a German barber?
What kind of clothing should your dog wear in very cold weather?
Why is it usually wrong to marry a tennis pro?
Because love means nothing to them
What's the difference between rock and jazz?
Rock is playing three chords for a thousand people.
Jazz is playing a thousand chords for three people.
Why did they kick the pelican out of the restaurant?
He had a huge bill
Why did the yardstick have trouble buying shoes?
Because it has three feet
Why would Snow White make a good judge?
Because she was the fairest in the land
Why was the gym wet?
Because the basketball players dribbled all over it
Why do cowboys always die with their boots on?
So they won't stub their toes when they kick the bucket.
I don't know why my eyeglass lenses were steamed up. I was mystified.
He's paranoid with an inferiority complex. He thinks the people who are out to get him lost interest.
I went to the Colorado School of Mines hoping to get involved in some exciting underground action, but it was just a lot of boring lectures.
Expect the worst! It's the least you can do.
A fool and his money are soon invited everywhere.
What did the hot dog say when it crossed the finish line?
“I'm the weiner.”
Who did the mouse see when he was sick?
The Hickory Dickory Doc!
What is the starting rank of army dentists?
Where can you find a salad in a clothing store?
In the "dressing" room!
When is the best time to go to the dentist?